MUSINGS

I often wonder how much an year changes us??

How much do things change in one year?

I know that it might be just another one of those things that I wonder about around my birthday, maybe birthday is just a trigger to analyse the whole year gone by. Images flash in front of my eyes if i start contemplating.

Last year I was excited, I was in a new city, couldn't wait to explore. I had gotten admission in a BSchool which if not my first choice, was definitely my second choice. I was optimistic about what year would hold. I wanted to meet new people, get to know them. I couldn't wait for it all to begin.

I look back today and I see the same city but its no longer inviting or tempting. I see a bunch of people I have studied with and want to know how many of them can be called my friends? I wanted to excel in the B-school but for the first time I was the one in the bottom layer. I got rejected by 26 companies in GD and Interview not to mention the infinite others who did not even shortlist me. For the first time in my life I doubted myself, I doubted my decision to do MBA,. For the first time in my life, I wanted to go back few years and stop myself from putting myself through this. For the time in myself I regretted doing something.

I dont say it was all bad. There were times when the day couldnt have been any better. But the cloudy days were much more than what I wanted to be.

I know that I would remember the year as one of the year that has taught me the most. It made me grow up a lot. Though I wanted to or did not want to grow up is another question all together.

Well coming back to topic- The only thing that amazes me now if the amount of people I have met in the last year, observed their dynamics, and how my dynamics with a lot of people has changed. If I list down the people in life except my family today then the list would be like:My best friend (my ex roomate), a friend from my time in Chandigarh, arnd 4-5 classmates, 2-3 seniors who I talk to frequently, 1-2 engineering college friends,2 school friends( not in touch much but always a part of my life) and thats it.

Same time last year if I think people who were most important to me except my family: My best friend (ex roomate)- the most constant factor in my life, 4 people from Chandigarh none of who feature even in list this year, my ex boss and his wife, 4-5 engineering college (only two of whom have stayed on), 2-3 general acquaintances and friends(again who are not at all important now) and yaa the 2 school friends.

I look at the above list and it bothers me. Is it how it is supposed to be? You meet people, you get to know them, you spend time with them and in literal terms you have given them a piece of your life that you wont get back just to forget them like this? Just to change so much in a span of an year? Is this what growing up does to you? Is this what practicality is all about?

We live in a generation that believes MOVING ON. We have grown to be impatient as people. We believe in instant gratification. But haven't we become self centered in the process??

Do I like the new change? Do I like the new me is the question that still I dont know the answer to!!

THE MBA RELATIONSHIP

Doing MBA is like being in a relation with your first crush.....

Like in a crush, before the relationship start you love everything about her/him- the girly giggle, the nagging, and all the annoying habits seem cute. Same is case for MBA. Everything seems starry, nice and exciting- the deadlines, the assignments, the pop quizzes etc- before you join a college. You can’t just wait for the hectic schedules, the lectures, competition etc. You want it. You dream about it and you live for it.

The story changes when you have spent some time, say a few months in MBA or in a relationship. There are days when you wake up and find everything is going wrong. The person you are with seems all wrong for you. You feel unappreciated, unwanted, unloved and the person next to you can’t seem to understand you. All the things that drew you towards him or her seem annoying and irritating. You just don’t understand why you liked those things in the first place. Same is the case with MBA, there are days when you wake up cursing your decision to go for MBA. Your teachers seem to hate you, your classmates seem to mock you, you seem to be getting now where, understanding nothing and all the subjects seem boring, irritating and frustrating. The deadlines and quizzes that seemed exciting before are things now you can’t wait to get over with. Everyone around you seems to be doing better than you- you don’t know why you even joined a B-School. You want to quit but like in any relationship it’s not all that easy to do so because there are days when you feel life cannot be better. Teachers seem to love you, work seems great, subjects seem interesting, your peers seem appreciative and everything seems to be sunny. You feel great, you want more and you think that you can take on anything. These are the days like the ones on which you have a perfect date with your partner, everything bright and nice it seems.

Doing MBA is like being in a relation you want to end but also want never to end. It is like being torn in two different directions because it was something you wanted badly and yet somehow it hasn’t met your expectation. You want to continue and you want to quit at the same time. And one fine day you are not the one who decides- your crush dumps you and calls quits- the two years of MBA are over and all you are left with memories. Memories that would always make you see the good parts and the good days of MBA, blanking out all the all not-so-good days.

TV Shows Wisdom

Things I have learnt from TV Shows (FRIENDS, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER & THE BIG BANG THEORY):

1. You are on a break doesn't mean you have broken up.

2. When you are sick you can ask your friends to do anything for you.. even sing a lullaby for you.

3. If you think your friend saved your life be sure that he wasn't saving anything else before being grateful

5. Always read letters and invitation completely how ever long might be.

6. Interventions can be held for anything.

7. You should never name your kid "Leonard" as when pronounced it has "NERD" in it.

8. You have to make special effort and be extra careful so that you don't turn into either of your parents

9. Friends are supposed to see/ hear and like their friend's play or songs and be supportive even though they might actually hate it.

10. You will always have a membership of gym that you wont use and apparently quiting bank and quiting gym is equally hard.

11. There is nothing called Last Cigarette Ever

12. The prison way of measuring pants is different from normal way

13. Everyone has a great fake name that he or she uses to date people

14. One should never kiss friend's sister. And if one does, one shouldn't forget which sister.

15. When you are done dating and are about to get married then it is customary for you to give your Black Book to your single friend.

16. Living with a girl is not same as living with a guy (most of guy things are stupid)

17. Giving cookies as Christmas bonus gives things a personal touch.

18. Suiting Up is essential part of life. And suits are for Happy occasions only.

19. British accent is easiest to fake.

20. If you don't like Dogs or Ice cream..Never admit it in front of your friends..

21. Not crying in Bambi means that you are dead inside.

HOW MUCH HAS LIFE CHANGED

I just realized, two years back I would have given my arm and leg to be in BSchool. I would have done anything to be in Mumbai. I would have traded anything for this life and for admission in the college I am currently. And today, I sit here and analyse and all I want is to be back in Greater Noida with some friends who actually cared.

Life has changed such a lot in the last two years. And I seem to have changed with it. Yesterday, while searching for something in my mail box I read some old forgotten conversations and could not believe that it was me who had written it. If wondered how I could have been so care free, so trusting and have so much faith that things would work out for the best. Have last two years turn me into a skeptic? Where has the girl who believed everything happens for good, gone? Where is my belief that you are rewarded for your hard work always disappeared?

It is true, it seems, when people say that real life begins after graduation. The world constantly screws you over and all you can do is just put on a brave face and fight. But actually after a while even fighting doesn't help and all you are left with just Acceptance...

ALICE IN WONDERLAND QUOTES

There are somethings in life which always makes sense. You outgrow most of the things eventually but somethings stick to you. I have realized that each book I read there are things I would like to remember forever. And I have decided to collect those quotes from now on. Starting with one of my favorite childhood novel Alice In Wonderland.

The most memorable quotes for me from the book are:

1) If I had a world of my own, everything would be non sense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?

2) Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
'I don't much care where —' said Alice.
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat

3) 'If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a hoarse growl, 'the world would go round a deal faster than it does.'

4) Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it

5) Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.

6)' Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'

YOU KNOW YOU ARE DOING MBA WHEN

U know you are doing MBA when:

1) You decide to commit suicide but put off the plan coz you just dont have time or energy for it.

2) You stop greeting people by saying,"Hi.. How are you?" but rather start the conversation by saying, "How many hours of sleep you got during the week" or "Whats your average sleep?"

3) You stop saying you met new people or made new you friends but rather call it "Networking"

4) Your big weekend plans dont include going to discs and dancing night away but the best plan seems the one that involves staying in and sleeping all day.

5) You start filling all the market research forms and surveys for your the people you know just in the hope that they would the same when you will need it, which you will.

6) Every time someone says the words "CSR", "ETHICS" your mind immediately goes on to say, "The purpose of a business is to do business." [Specially dedicated to NMIMS]

7) You hatch plans with your fellow students telling them that the only way to beat the cgpa or comparative grading system is by no one in the class studying and everyone scoring bad and equal marks.

8) Every time someone says the word "CASE" in any context your heart comes to your mouth and you immediately have a picture of a 100 page case study to be studied in your mind.

9) Your nightmares include your college profs and attendance hassles.

10) You start hating internet, specially emails coz every time you log in to your mail account you see minimum of 5 new mails telling you what all things are to be done- assignments to be submitted, cases to be read etc etc.

MUMBAI

A city that needs no introduction- A city that never sleeps- The city of dreams- The Maya Nagar- The city which got back on its feet in a day after the 26/11 attacks- a city that has various such taglines and phrases associated to it.. But what makes Mumbai MUMBAI? what keeps it going??
Ask Mumbaikars this question and you will get variety of answers like 'The Local Trains', 'The BEST buses', 'The Taxi & Auto Walas' or even maybe 'The Wada Paav Walas'. But is it really true?
After travelling and exploring the city yesterday I realized one thing- Mumbai is not defined by Gateway Of India or the BSE or BKC, or TAJ or even the Locals that are often called the lifeline but it is actually defined by the spirit of people it has. Te spirit that keeps them moving and holding an umbrella even when they are drenched as it is. The spirit that makes them travel in overcrowded local trains daily. The spirit that tells them that their dreams would come true one day if they stuck on through the difficult parts. It is the spirit of the people that defines Mumbai.
Some people call Mumbai life 'FAST' while others call it 'HAPPENING' but yet again what makes it fast and happening is its people. Everyone works in a synchronity that amazes an outsider. This synchronity is what people call the "Rhythm of Mumbai' which you either catch or you dont. You would rarely find people who find Mumbai to be an 'okay' city- everyone would either love it or absolutely hate it and that is what defines the city. The city would throw a googly at you each day but also teach you how to develop the survival instincts for the same. And even before you realize , you have caught the spirit of Mumbai and you are a part of its lifeline.
Mumbai- a place where train is never around 5 but is at 4:56 or so- a place where most of the things you get as street food would have 'Paav' as main ingredient- a city which can be defined by nothing other than people it has who have made Mumbai what is and shown the world what a tough lot they are.

You know you are on a Diet

You know you are on a Diet when:

1) You suddenly develop a sweet tooth.

2) Everything you wished to eat in last 6 months gets offered to you in a week's span.

3) When all the long overdue party invitations start coming to you all of a sudden

4) Before eating anything specially chocolates you start thinking that you would miss the next meal to compensate for it.

5) All of a sudden all the things you were planning to eat while on a diet are no longer in stock(in your kitchen)

6) When you feel twice as hungry as you would normally do

7) You learn that your friend lost more weight in less time by trying a diet that is totally in contrast to your diet

8) You get every chance to visit the restaurants you always wanted but could not go because of some constraints.

9) All of a sudden all the food joints you like to hangout at start coming up with new menu and offers.

10) You crave for things you shouldn't have desperately, specially in middle of the night.

Pangs of parting

There are times in life when you miss someone. You feel a void just because someone is missing. Someone you dearly loved.

Well, something of that sort has been going in my life for sometime now.

I cant believe that my best friend left for US. I hate US now by the way. Though I hadnt met her for almost 10 months yet her going feels like a betrayal. I am happy for her coz she had dreamt about this for as long as I have known her. But the selfish part of me is mad at her. I know that its good for her, I know she would do well but am still desperately sad. I continue to talk to her online thanks to the connected world we stay in yet it doesnt feel the same. The fact that I cant talk to her all the time, the fact that we cant share every stupid problem and detail bothers me. I miss her desperately. More desperately than she or I could ever imagine. I look at all the pics of us together doing mad things, cracking silly jokes, fighting over silly things and I realize that I dont know when we ll meet again or will we ever meet? Will we be like friends who drift apart and when they meet coincidently they cant remember what they shared? Will it be the case that we wont be able to recognize the new each other? Will I find new friends and forget about her? Or will she be the one who would get so set in her new life that she wont recognize me? The possibility that things would ever be the same again is almost zilch.

But am I ready to move on or would I be able to move on is the question I ask....

"She went her unremembering way,

She went and left in me

The pang of all the partings gone,

The parting yet to be."

Heart always desires what it cant have

Not everything good,

Not everything right,

Yet it is desired by the heart with all its might,

It cannot be let go,

It cannot be left so,

Yet there is no option otherwise.

Why things become so important I fail to get,

Yet they are so deep inside me that I cannot forget,

Each failure tells me what I could not do,

And each success means nothing so,

The happiness it seems lasts for a moment,

While the ache of failure doesnt leave for even a moment.

You wait and wait for the ache to go away,

But the stupid heart would never sway.

It would always desire what it cant have.